I trudged through snow, made it to work 15 minutes late, and found myself in good spirits anyways. Weirdo.

Went and found a family doctor. When I told him I used to be a painter, he asked me why I wasn't painting. I told him that there is something missing when I paint and it isn't particularly a financial or time related issue. And I have been miserable about it for a long time. I took it as a good sign that he would ask such a question and then actually LISTEN to my answer.

I have all the same fears and issues I have been whiny about for a few years now going through my head. One day I am sad, the next day furious, the next day downtrodden. And then I hit "What the FUCK is wrong with me" mode and lose it. I'm good at keeping those moods downplayed in my body language and speech, you may be surprised to know. Not because I want to hide it but I know I can be an overwhelming person.

What I cannot seem to understand is how I can be so happy and so angry and so depressed all at the same time! What the hell is that?

Bah.

I'm unhappy. I don't know why. I am sick of myself.

Chain LIGHTNING!

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0684.html

Okay, got that out of my system.

I've moved into a big house and love my second family. The Kobs are gathering soon to get a real family picture with a photographer and everything! Mom is off chemo and waiting to go in to get an updated CT scan in early November. There is a 25% chance that she will have beaten the cancer after 8 months of chemo. Neil is alive and we are all very very grateful to have him safe. Money is really tight, but I intend to buy a turkey anyways! Whoever helped Alina buy me that ticket by the way - you made me cry, you jerks!! Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving.